Assimilation Guide.
So you have asked to be assimilated. Fascinating. We shall make it so. Sadly, I know that resistance is not futile, but if you keep an open mind, you may learn to love Trek (or at least enjoy it) and understand why I'm talking this way.
Listen, it doesn't take much to make me geek out, and by taking me up on my offer to list excellent Star Trek: The Next Generation (ST:TNG) episodes, you've unleashed the beast.
That's right, I'm going to go overboard.
Before this gets out of hand, I'm just going to list the most excellent fantastic episodes of ST:TNG that you should absolutely watch if they come your way.
Yesterday's Enterprise
The Best of Both Worlds pt 1
The Best of Both Worlds pt 2
Cause and Effect
The Inner Light
Tapestry
Parallels
All Good Things . . . pt 1 & 2
I would say those are the very best ST: TNG has to offer.
Okay, that being said, here's a bit more substantial list of personal favorites and otherwise stellar episodes. The above are, of course, included in the following list:
A Matter of Honor
The Measure of a Man
The Survivors
The Enemy
The Defector
The Hunted
The High Ground
Deja Q
Sins of the Father
Brothers
Reunion
Data's Day
The Wounded
The Drumhead
First Contact
Darmok
Conundrum
Power Play
The First Duty
The Next Phase
Relics
Rascals
Chain of Command pt 1 & 2
Face of the Enemy
Frame of Mind
Timescape
Attached
The Pegasus
Lower Decks
Okay, so those are basically my favorite episodes of ST: TNG. But there are many many many other fine episodes that I would gladly watch on any given day. But how to let you know which these are? I mean, I can't do an episode guide with ratings can I? THat's way too much work.
No, it's not.
Yes, I can.
Here is where I go overboard.
Here is where I get my geek on.
Charlie's quick and dirty ST:TNG episode rating guide.
Ratings are from 1-5, 5 being the best. Basically, if it's above a 3, I, personally, would watch it w/o reservation. Your mileage may vary.
You might see an occasional 6. Those are just the very excellent episodes I listed above. I'll make comments here and there, for a bit of trivia, particularly good scene or episode, or particularly bad scene or episode.
1st season
Okay, the 1st season, you basically have to watch at your own risk. I can barely watch it. If I do at all, it's just to watch a few minutes to marvel or cringe at how bad the show used to be. Usually when I watch the 1st season now, it's almost with the eye of a scientist or something, analyzing what was so off and what eventually changed.
In a nutshell: Bad acting. Horrid special effects. Subpar stories. Cheesy music. Bad pacing. They didn't quite have Troi's character or powers figured out yet, so she often just ended up over-emoting and crying. They didn't really have most of the characters figured out yet. The show hadn't quite found it's voice yet, and came off like refried Orignal Series Trek. I'm sorry, people, it wasn't the 60's anymore. It was the 80's, though, so of course the Captain had his shrink sitting right next to him. Oh well.
I haven't seen some of these in forever, so I can't in all good conscious rate them all. Sorry. Just stay away. Or watch it with the intention of making fun of it.
Encounter at Farpoint (2)
The Naked Now (2.25) - This can be a somewhat fun episode, as the crew gets infected with a disease that makes them act drunk. Data gets laid.
Code of Honor (1.5)
The Last Outpost
Where No One Has Gone Before
Lonely Among Us
Justice (-1)
The Battle
Hide And Q
Haven
The Big Goodbye (2.5)- The Holodeck is basically this holographic projection room that can create any environment you so desire. It's intention was to provide the crew an area of respite where they could get away from the day to day dangers that threatened to kill them or destroy the ship. Of course, most of the episodes dealing with the Holodeck were about the Holodeck trying to kill them or destroy the ship. What fun! Anyway, this was the first of those episodes.
Datalore (2.75) Data finds his evil twin brother, Lore. I consider this the best episode of the 1st season. Yikes.
Angel One
11001001
Too Short A Season
When The Bough Breaks
Home Soil
Coming Of Age
Heart of Glory
The Arsenal of Freedom
Symbiosis
Skin of Evil (1)- Lt. Yar gets killed. By a walking oil slick. I'm not kidding.
We'll Always Have Paris
Conspiracy (1.5)- Horrid horrid special effects. Exploding heads. Did I mention the horrid special effects?
The Neutral Zone (2)
2nd Season
The show got better. They reigned in Troi's crying, which is very very good. Still cheesy special effects, but the pacing, stories, and music had all notably improved.
The Child
Where Silence Has Lease (2.5)
Elementary, Dear Data (3)- Holodeck malfunctions epsiode #2. Data pretends to be Sherlock Holmes.
The Outrageous Okona
Loud As A Whisper
The Schizoid Man- Data grows a beard.
Unnatural Selection (2.25)
A Matter Of Honor (3.75)- Riker serves aboard a Klingon Ship.
The Measure Of A Man (4.5)- Is Data Starfleet property? Watch this episode to find out.
The Dauphin
Contagion (3.25)
The Royale (2)- The crew find an inhospitable planet in which a lone 20th century casino is operating. Sounds interesting at first, but it's not.
Time Squared (3)
The Icarus Factor (2) Worf has a Klingon bar mitzvah or something. This involves torturing him with cattle prods. Too bad this is only 5 minutes of the episode.
Pen Pals
Q Who (3.25)- Q is always fun, and this episode introduces the Borg. But it takes a little too long to get to the point.
Samaritan Snare (3)- Geordi is kidnapped by retarded aliens.
Up The Long Ladder
Manhunt (1)
The Emissary (3.5)- Worf's ex comes to the Enterprise on a super secret mission. Worf gets laid. (That wasn't the mission, though.)
Peak Performance (2.5)
Shades Of Gray (-1) A clip show.
3rd Season
Ah, finally. This is where the show came into its own. No doubt b/c they hired Michael Piller to write. I know that means nothing to you. Anyway, finally the show had pretty good special effects and music. The stories were much better. What finally emerged in this season was a consistently good sf show. It all built to the cliffhanger climax, probably the best show of the entire series. I think this is my favorite season.
Evolution (2.5)
The Ensigns of Command (3)
The Survivors (3.75)- A nice Twilight Zone-ish mystery. The enterprise finds two old people as the sole survivors of an attack that wiped out a colony.
Who Watches The Watchers (3.5)- Primitive aliens start worshipping a god named Picard.
The Bonding (3.25)- Ron Moore, of later Battlestar Galactica fame, contributes his first script.
Booby Trap (3)
The Enemy (3.75)
The Price (2.75)
The Vengeance Factor (3.25)
The Defector (4.5)- The whole episode is some pretty good stuff, but the twist ending is awesome.
The Hunted (4.25)- Essentially Rambo vs. The Enterprise crew. Pretty sweet action episode.
The High Ground (4)- Another fun action episode. Terrorists try to blow up the Enterprise! Oh no!
Deja Q (4)- Q loses his powers. Pretty funny.
A Matter of Perspective (2)
Yesterday's Enterprise (6)- The first classic ST:TNG episode. Starfleet at war with the Klingon Emprie. Yar returns. The Enterprise is destroyed. Really.
The Offspring (3.5)- Data has a kid.
Sins of the Father (4.75)- Beginning the Worf redemption story. Klingon epic tragedy at its finest.
Allegiance (3.5)
Captain's Holiday (3.5)- The Captain takes a vacation, pretends to be Indiana Jones. (Not literally)
Tin Man (3)
Hollow Pursuits (3.25)- A dorky Lt. uses the Holodeck to make fun of the crew. Somewhat fun.
The Most Toys (3.5)
Sarek (3)- Spock's father visits the Enterprise.
Ménage à Troi (3)- The Ferengi kidnap Troi, her mother, and Riker. I don't know why. The crew tries to get them back. I don't know why.
Transfigurations (3)
The Best of Both Worlds (6)- The Borg are back and there's gonna be trouble. Hey ya, hey ya, the Borg are back. This is what made ST:TNG. Killer cliffhanger.
4th Season
The show was firing on all cylinders. Basically just more of the good stuff that was the 3rd season.
Best of Both Worlds Part II (6)- The resolution. Epic,tragic, suspenseful.
Family (5)- The aftermath. I love aftermath stories. It's a pretty quiet episode, dealing mostly with Picard's trauma from the previous episodes. Unless you've seen The Best of Both Worlds, or if you just don't find these types of stories interesting, this won't do much for you.
Brothers (4)- Data's brother returns. But only after Data hijacks the Enterprise.
Suddenly Human (3)
Remember Me (3.5)-Everyone is disappearing around Dr. Crusher. A pretty fun mystery episode.
Legacy (3.25)
Reunion (5)- Worf's redemption story continues. His ex revisits the Enterprise, with a bit of a surprise. Tragic.
Future Imperfect (3.5)- Riker wakes up 16 years in the future.
Final Mission (3.5)- Wesley leaves the show. But not before he crashes his shuttlepod and Picard on a desert planet. D'oh!
The Loss (3.5)- Troi loses her powers and becomes a super bitch. Weeee!
Data's Day (3.5)- A fun day in the life of everyone's favorite android. He learns to tap-dance.
The Wounded (4.25)- First appearance of the Cardassians.
Devil's Due (3.25)- Picard vs. the Devil. Weee!
Clues (3)
First Contact (3.75)- "I've always wanted to have sex with an alien" "I'll call you next time I'm in your solar system" Riker is so smooth.
Galaxy's Child (3)
Night Terrors (2.5)-The crew can't fall asleep. Maybe they should've watched this episode.
Identity Crisis (3.25)- Geordi turns into a black light alien.
The Nth Degree (3)
Qpid (3.5)- Q turns Picard into Robin Hood and the crew into his Merry Men. Fun.
The Drumhead (4.25)- Good night, and good luck. In space!
Half a Life (3)
The Host (3) Crusher gets it on with an alien whose body is controlled by a worm under his clothes. No, not that worm, you pervert!
The Mind's Eye (3.5)
In Theory (3)
Redemption pt 1 (4.5)- Worf's redemption story concludes. Well, the first part of the conclusion. Klingon Civil War. Bring marshmellows.
5th season
Still coasting merrily along. Some warning signs of the ennui that later kinda marred the 6th and especially the 7th season are beginning to appear, but the show is still very good, consistent sci-fi.
Redemption II (3)- Worf's redemption story concludes, not with a bang, but a whimper. Still a passable episode, but what we really want to see his Worf mixing it up Klingon style, not Picard and Data's silly stuff with the Romulans. Sad, really, since it started off so good.
Darmok (5)- Fun episode. The Enterprise crew try to communicate with aliens who only speak in some weird gibberish. Things escalate when the aliens kidnap Picard.
Ensign Ro (4)- Everyone's favorite cranky ensign is introduced. or at least my favorite ensign. Commander Kain, for you Battlestar Galactica crackheads.
Silicon Avatar (3.25)
Disaster (3.25)- Enjoyed The Towering Inferno? Thrilled by The Poesidon Adventure? This episode should do you, then.
The Game (3)- Wesley returns. Has sex. So does Riker. But not with each other. Otherwise, maybe this episode would've been funner. Ashley Judd's first onscreen kiss!
Unification: Part I (4.5)- Picard has to find Spock to prevent an interstellar incident. Very gripping.
Unification: Part II (3.25)- Spock returns. Unfortunately, the stupid story pretty effectively kills all the suspense of the first part. Oh well. Some fun Spock-Data moments.
A Matter of Time (3.5)
New Ground (3)- That sucking sound? Those are Worf episodes for the rest of the series. It begins here.
Hero Worship (3)
Violations (3.25)- Psychic rapist aliens. Kinda freaky. I mean their hair.
The Masterpiece Society (3)
Conundrum (3.5)- The crew comes down with amnesia. They think Data is the bartender. Pretty funny.
Power Play (3.5)- Fun action episode in which aliens possess some of the crew and they take Ten-Forward hostage. They wanted more beer.
Ethics (3)
The Outcast (3.5)
Cause And Effect (5)- The Enterprise blows up. In the first minute of the episode. Really. Fun sci-fi mystery episode.
The First Duty (3.75)- Starfleet Academy. Wesley returns. No, really, it's a good episode.
Cost Of Living (2.5)- And the Worf suckage continues.
The Perfect Mate (3.5)- Prof X gets it on with Jean Grey.
Imaginary Friend (3)
I, Borg (3.5)- That sucking sound? Those are Borg episodes and movies for the rest of all time. It begins here.
The Next Phase (3.5)
The Inner Light (5)- Picard experiences the family life he never could. Very touching.
Time's Arrow (3.25)- Data vs. Mark Twain.
6th season
Still a very good show, but those warning signs are increasing. Still plenty of fine episodes, but some of the formulas of the show are becoming more apparent. The season picks up dramactially towards the end, and I would say this was the last consistently good season. Only one season left, so I think that's a pretty good track record.
Time's Arrow, Part II (3.25)- Time travel hijinks. Mark Twain on the Enterprise.
Realm Of Fear (3)
Man Of The People (3.25)-Troi gets turned into a slut.
Relics (4)- Scotty returns, pisses off Geordi. Fun stuff.
Schisms (3.25)
True Q (3)
Rascals (3.5)- Picard and other crew members are turned into children. The Ferengis capture the ship. Wackiness ensues.
Fistful of Datas (3.5)- It's high noon when the holodeck malfuncitons and Worf has to have a western shoot out with Data.
The Quality of Life (2.5)
Chain of Command, Part I (4)- Picard leads a commando mission into Cardassian space. It all goes wrong.
Chain of Command, Part II (5)-Picard is tortured.
Ship In A Bottle (3.5)- More holodeck malfunctions. Yippee!
Aquiel (2.5)
Face Of The Enemy (4)-Troi goes undercover on a Romulan Warbird.
Tapestry (6)- It's a Wonderful Life, Jean-Luc Picard. Q's best episode
Birthright, Part I (3.5)
Birthright, Part II (3)
Starship Mine (3.5)-If picard is bruce willis, and the enterprise is a los angeles skyscraper, then this episode is Die hard in space.
Lessons (4)- Picard gets a girlfriend.
The Chase (4)
Frame of Mind (4)
Suspicions (2.75)
Rightful Heir (2.75)
Second Chances (3.5)
Timescape (4)- Very fun sci-fi mystery episode when Picard and some crew members return from a shuttlepod mission and find the Enterprise and a Romulan Warbird frozen in time, locked in battle.
Descent pt 1 (4.5)- A ship of vicious individualized Borg attack the Enterprise, and Data experiences anger. When a captured Borg promises Data more emotion, Data escapes with him and the crew follows. Very dark, thrilling episode. Too bad pt 2. will screw it all up.
7th season
Let me break it down for you. As much as I love the show, I recognize its faults. Maybe they aren't even faults, I don't know. Basically, ST:TNG is not like most serialized TV shows. The characters don't really evolve so much. Once the characters had been pretty much defined, they stayed that way throughout the rest of the series. Who they were at first is who they ended as. Data, the android who wants to be human. By the end of the series, he's still the android who wants to be human. He'd taken some baby steps, but he hadn't really changed. The same is true for all of them. Picard, the patient negotiator careerist who gave up any chance of family. Riker, the ambitious officer who doesn't want to move on. Troi, empath still hung up on and old flame. Geordi, shy, blind enginner. Worf, warlike alien attempting to integrate to life in a peaceful society.
This stagnation, for lack of a better word, is okay if your program is designed to be predominatly plot driven. And ST:TNG was. This is why you can start watching pretty much any episode of the series and not be lost. There's no over-arching storyline. It's kinda like Law and Order in space. Each episode is confined to itself.
The problems come when you start running out of ideas. Now, 24 episodes a year, having to come up with some type of sci-fi threat to the ship, I'd run out, too. This is what started to threaten the writers in the fifth season, more so in the sixth season, and was unescapble in the 7th.
To deal with this , they started trying to develop the characters. Except this didn't work, b/c in order to develop characters in any meaningful, interesting way, you need to switch to a type of storytelling where change occurs over time. Serialization, long term storylines. Which makes the show more insular, more difficult to pick up on an episode by episode basis and not be lost.
The writers weren't willing to do this, so what you have is neither fish nor fowl. Character-centric episodes in which no character growth is acheived. A big whup of nothing. You begin to tread water. The character centric episodes often revolved around bringing in guest-stars to interact with the main crew, mainly in the form of relatives that the audience doesn't care about. Geordi's mom? Data's mom? Worf's human brother? Who cares about any of these people, especially when you introduce them in stab-my-eyes-out boring episodes?
These problems first became apparent in the fifth season, with the Worf episodes. With Worf's big redemption story concluded, they started a new story in which he becomes a single parent. It failed horribly, and pretty much all the Worf centric episodes from the 5th season on suffered as a result.
Coupled with this is that the traditional, sci-fi mystery type stories that was ST:TNG's bread and butter were stagnating b/c of a dearth of ideas.
The series could not sustaint itself. The 7th season collapsed under this weight.
That they were able to come up with such a magnificent series finale at all is a wonder and a joy. The misfires of the 7th season were worth it to get that finale, b/c it is one of the best episodes of the entire series. And to be fair, the 7th season had some other fine episodes, including the best Worf episode since his redemption arc concluded (but note it did not revolve around his relationship with his son). The main tragedy of the 7th seasons is that ST:TNG wasn't consistent anymore. But I'd still take 7th season over 1st and most of 2nd season ST:TNG anyday.
Descent, Part II (3)- Okay, so you look at my review for I,Borg, and then my review for Descent, and say, "Wait a minute. Descent was a Borg episode, but it didnt' suck. What gives?" Pt 2 gives. It is such a letdown it drags the stellar pt 1 down with it. Some nice Data and Geordi moments, but otherwise, ehhh.
Liaisons (2.5)
Interface (2.25)- Geordi's mom. Who cares?
Gambit, Part I (2.75) Space Pirates! Picard goes undercover! Should've been better!
Gambit, Part II (2.75)
Phantasms (2.5)- Data has nightmares. Some surreal images, like Troi as a cake and Crusher sucking Riker's brains through a straw. Otherwise, ehhh.
Dark Page (3)-Featuring a pre-pubescent Kirsten Dunst.
Attached (3.5)- Picard and Crusher get telepathically linked and deal with their romantic tension. Fun, emotional stuff.
Force of Nature (2.5)-Warp speed limits. Who thought that was an episode worth writing?
Inheritance (2.5)- Data meets his mother. Who cares?
Parallels (6)- Finally, a really good Worf episode. Our favorite Klingon is thrown into a series of alternate dimensions. Kinda like Sliders, except good.
The Pegasus (4.5)- Locke is Riker's former commanding officer with a dark secret.
Homeward (2.5)- Meet Worf's adoptive human brother. Who cares?
Sub Rosa (2.75)- Crusher gets it on with an Irish alien ghost. Wuthering Heights in space. I should probably hate this one, but there's something so silly about it. Or maybe it's just Crusher getting it on. Yeah, that must be it.
Lower Decks (4)- 90210 in space. Okay, that's unfair, b/c this is a really cool look at what life is like on the Enterprise for the people who take orders from our main cast.
Thine Own Self (2.5)
Masks (3.5)- The Enterprise becomes an alien temple. Data becomes a god. Some silly fun stuff.
Eye of the Beholder (2.5)- Worf and Troi get it on. Or do they?
Genesis (3.5)-The crew of the Enterprise de-evolves, while Picard and Data try to save them. Goofy fun. Worf as a klingon caveman. Apparently they used to look like rhinos.
Journey's End (2.5)- Wesley's last episode. Thank you.
Firstborn (2.5)- The Worf suckage concludes. Thank you.
Bloodlines (2.5)- The final Picard-has-no-family episode. Thank you.
Emergence (2.5)- The final Holodeck malfunctions episode. Thank you.
Preemptive Strike (3)-The final Ensign Ro episode. Should've been better.
All Good Things... (6)- The finale. Q returns. Picard is thrown between the past, present and future to save the world. Awesome, fantastic episode. I guess with all the crap of the 7th season, they were saving the best for last.
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