Mustard

by Dr. Knowledge – April 9, 2001

Yum! I love mustard. Where else can you get so much flavor with so little calories? I was going to do today's lesson on mayonnaise but while researching that topic I gained 10 pounds! Screw that! I am fat enough. On top of that, mayonnaise people are crazy. Well, not that mustard people didn't turn out to be crazy. Forget it. First, Mustard History 101:

Mustard was invented by ancient Egyptians who wanted a plant that would taste good, while still staying low in calories. Mustard was then stolen by the Romans who used it to cure the bubonic plague. It comes in three types: Yellow and Brown. Brown is spicier than yellow. The famous Dijon mustard is just brown mustard with a snooty attitude. Mustard is also the only good thing that comes from Canada. Strange that the mustard museum is in Wisconsin then, huh?


	Take this hot dog and beat me with it.

The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum with Barry Levenson
Yay! A mustard museum! Are you a mustard fanatic? Do you love mustard so much it has driven you past the brink? Well this is the site for you! Read this interview with Barry Levenson himself, the curator of the mustard museum.

EXCLUSIVE FAKE INTERVIEW!!!!

Dr. Knowledge: "Hello, how are you?"

Barry Levenson: "I love mustard!"

DK: "What was that?"

BL: "Come to my webpage! With mustard-rific content like "Who wants to be a Mustardaire" and mustard haikus my site is mustard-tastic! Kill me please! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!"

DK: (fleeing in panic)

Barry Levenson is currently in recovery at Shady Acres Mental Hospital. I just can't wait until he gets better so he can post the "Fun Facts about Mustard"!


	What's love got to do with it?


	Inspired by the healing and caring ministry of Jesus Christ (and mustard)

The Mustard Seed Foundation
God made the world. So it is appropriate that everything is owned by Christian churches. Well everything excluding Hawaii and the most of the internet, which is owned by Japan. It seems the Church came in late in the game when it cam to the internet and all that was left was Mustard URLs, so they bought all of those. (Why mustard seed? Well because mustard seed can be used as a stimulation aid. Oh and mustard is very religious. For instance, Jesus lives in a mustard seed. And Bhudda could bring people back to life with them. Well most of these mustard seed pages are trying to sell you stuff. Like The Mustard. Here you can buy inspirational T-shirts with inspirational messages to inspire you. Well the only message I got from these T-shirts was "For God so loved the world that he makes fat dudes pay $3 extra for their Jesus T-shirts."

PERSONALS COLUMN FOR MUSTARD LOVERS
I visited Barry Levenson at the hospital to get his comment about www.mustardplace.com.

"Are you feeling lonely? Are you a mustard? Well this is the page for you. This page is even more mustard-riffy than AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Don't worry, that was for his own good. The nurses came by afterwards with some happy pills. He'll thank me later.

Mustard.net
Hey! Mustard.net! Well there is nothing there. At least that's what I first thought! At first glance it appears to be a ninth grader's HTML homework. That is until you uncover the secret plot to CAPTURE THE STOCK MARKET! Dr. Knowledge is on to you WEBPARK. The CIA has been notified.

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-	Dr. Knowlege practices Mustardarianism.

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